The Federal Aviation Administration, or FAA, is the agency responsible for maintaining all aircraft safety in the United States. They have determined that all travelers should listen to safety instructions at the beginning of every commercial flight. The frequent flyer can recite the announcements in unison with any flight attendant. Buckle your seatbelt, follow the lighting to emergency exits, life vests are under your seat, etc. etc. In the case of a real emergency, you’d be likely to forget everything no matter how much you’ve traveled. But, here are some rules they should probably start announcing if there are any 2-year-olds on the plane:
- Do not use the chair arm rest as a diving board. Specifically, do not jump into your seat, head first, as if it was a swimming pool.
- Do not play peek-a-boo (at least so loudly) with all the passengers behind you.
- Do not shriek in excitement so that it actually pierces the eardrums.
- Do not run up-and-down the aisles.
- Do not jump on your seat.
- Do not kick the seat in front of you.
- Do not crawl under the seat in front of you or behind you.
- Do not raise and lower your window shade more than 20 times.
- You do not actually have to say ‘hello’ to every passenger on the plane.
- Listen to your parents!
Alex and mom have been logging miles on airplanes for two years together now. Any hopes of it becoming any easier seem to be far, far off in the horizon. I’ve determined its best to never make eye contact with passengers around me, and to offer appreciation at the very end of the flight for the patience of those closest. While, the nearest exist row may be behind us, it’s never close enough.